i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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