I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
