Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
