Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
