Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
