Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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