i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we made out on top of his cat.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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