you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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