that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
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There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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