she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
vagina is talking i cant
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
