Is it normal to miss your booty call?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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