my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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