Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
