I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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