I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
