Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
