i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
