I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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