We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
