Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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