Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
