Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
