Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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