He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
