DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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