I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
