Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
