There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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