i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
smell my finger.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
