its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
