I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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