I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
