I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
