If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
