just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
