dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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