Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
