WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
