why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize