I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
