I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
