So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
