he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
