So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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