Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
