god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
