Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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