I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i dont even know how to be here
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
