Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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