Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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