You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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