i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
