Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
