Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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