I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
