I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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