currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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