I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
