so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
