just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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